


Sharing is Caring

by Cordelia_Sun



Category: Farscape
Genre: Episode Tag, Other, Season/Series 03, Starburst Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 01:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7079290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cordelia_Sun/pseuds/Cordelia_Sun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harvey muses on John's Letterman list and comes up with an indecent proposal!</p>
<p>Episode tag for Revenging Angel</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sharing is Caring

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Starburst Challenge #91: The Letterman List

"Nggrgghghhhh!" John groaned as his mind swam sluggishly toward consciousness and smacked up against the ten ton headache that awaited him when he got there.

"You're alive then?"

He opened his eyes, squinting against the glare of the harsh med-bay lights, to find Jool standing over him with a uncharacteristically worried expression.

"Maybe. I'm not sure," he croaked, "I'll let you know when I figure it out."

Jool rolled her eyes and bustle around the bed, ripping sensors off delicate areas as she launched in a haughty lecture, "I don't know what you were thinking; wandering around the ship in your condition. Practically naked! D'Argo had to haul your carcass all the way down from the maintenance bay. We though you were dead. Again." she stopped with a little huff, "but I'm glad you're OK."

"Thanks, Princess," John said, and meant it. He managed to offer her a weak smile.

"D'argo came to see you." Jool said, "He's really sorry about what happened."

"Yeah," John breathed, "me too. It's been a long time coming."

She patted his arm amiably, "You want me to let him know you're awake?"

"I think it can wait a while; maybe we need a little distance for now." John looked down at Jool's arm and frowned, "Jool, am I seeing things or are you half blue?"

"No, you are not seeing things," she replied, bristling with irritation.

"Good," said John, "I was worried I we were all gonna turn into Smurfs for a minute there."

Jool's mouth twisted in confusion, before she shook the thought away, "I'll get you some painkillers."

"Yes, please!" John called as she left and for a while he was left in silence; it didn't last long.

" _Earth, dad, pizza, sex, cold beer, fast cars, sex, Aeryn, and love.” the voice hissed on the edge of his mind; grating against his every nerve.  
_

John let out a heavy sigh, “I’m not in the mood for this Harvey. I almost died today, remember.”

_"Indeed I do and it was a fascinating experience. Most enlightening!"_

"You were not helpful," John mumbled, remembering Harvey's bizarre called to arms.

_"In your opinion." Harvey countered, "I merely attempted to steer you toward the most logical course of action. It's hardly my fault your inferior mind dwells so heavy on other things.  
_

John growled and closed his eyes.

" _Such a shallow list of desires,” Harvey mused, “beer, pizza... base consumption, pleasures of the flesh; a frankly childish obsession with one’s home world and progenitor. A female.”_

“What can I say? I’m a guy.” _  
_

_“I can’t decide if it would be a relief or a torturous existence to want so little from life.”_

“You are a torturous existence.”

_“Sex!” Harvey repeated with a thin smile, giving the word a reptilian hiss which made John shudder, “so good you named it twice. Why is that I wonder?”_

_“_ If you don’t know that I can’t help you.” John said as he pulled himself up from the bed with exaggerated careful movements, just in case his head fell off. _  
_

_“Oh, but you can.” said Harvey, he leaned in a whispered, “you could share your experience!”  
_

“What,” John stared at Harvey’s freakishly earnest face in horrified confusion, “are you talking about?”

_"Well, um, it’s a rather delicate matter,” Harvey mumbled suddenly coy, “I am merely a clone of Scorpius’ personality. My actual experience is… limited.”_

A slow realisation began to creep into John’s mind and he barked out a laugh, “Oh my god!” he drawled, his voice dripping with amusement, “Harvey, are you trying to tell me you’re a virgin?”

_“N-not in so many words.” Harvey stuttered._

"Hell, Harvey," John teased, "there ain't no shame in that!"

_“I was a barely conscious fragment of the neural chip the last time you successfully mated with a female." Harvey sneered, "And your frankly obscene levels of self-abuse most certainly do not count.”_

"Arrgh!" John recoiled at the implications of Harvey's comment.

"I haven't touched you yet!" Jool appeared at his side holding an enormous syringe, which she plunged into his arm.

"Arrgh!" John yelled again.

"Don't act like a baby."

_"See here, we have a very possible mate," Harvey stalked around to where Jool stood and peered over her shoulder, "I know you've fantasised about her."_

"I have not!" John protested.

"Fine, you're not a baby," countered an exasperated Jool then she paused and took a deep breath, "Anyway John, I have something I need to tell you."

_"You're a scientist John," Harvey clapped his hands together, "Why not think of it as research!"_

"I am _not_ interested." John snapped.

"It's really important," Jool said, her voice edged with a ragged plea, "It's about the accident."

_"I truly believe it would help us understand each other better," Harvey's lips pulled into a thin black smile and his tongue flickered out lizard like, "Sharing is, after all, caring."_

"Gah!" John screamed and buried his head in his hands, "I don't want to understand!"

"Fine! Be like that!" Jool snapped, tears welling up in a bright green eyes. She twirled around and swept from the room with a cry, "I was just trying to be honest!"

"Jool! No, I wasn't talking to you!" John called after her, but it was too late. He turned back to Harvey who regarded him with a sad reproachful shake of the head.

_"See John," he said, "what happens when you're unwilling to share."_

"Harvey." said John.

_"Yes, John?"_

"I hate you."


End file.
